"Last night your brother came into our room scared because of an insect in his room. Your father yelled at him calling him a coward for being scared of a bug. I told your dad to leave him alone, you’ve never been scared of anything and look where that’s gotten you."
I’m sorry mother. I’m sorry you have to be sitting next to me in tears at the doctors office for the second time this week. I know you’re scared, and honestly I am too. I wish you wouldn’t cry, I wish you’d be more like my dad and at least pretend to be strong. I don’t know if I can do this. If those results come out any worse than it already is I hope you can forgive me for being weak and taking the easy road out. I can’t take this shit for much longer.
Your father said he was sending you off to a retreat. I pray for the best.
I miss you an awful lot. I don’t think you fully understand the reason behind my actions, I don’t believe it matters. I need you to know that I could never hate you, I don’t quite understand you anymore but I still love you like no other. But even though I write with love, this isn’t a love letter. And even though I resent life without you, you can’t be a part of my life right now. I lost a great part of myself in you, and I’m afraid I’ll lose myself completely if I ever have to see you in the arms of another. So with that’s said, your father said he’s sending you to a retreat and I will pray for you.
Ps: the “fuck you” wasn’t for you.
In the end, after all was said and done, I finally got what deserve, and you lost what you didn’t.